LOVE

2010-07-28T23:40:00.003+08:00

I dun understand wat is the meaning of true love. Right now to me happy endings only exists in movies and fantasies. In reality love is not like that. People change and so do hearts. You just duno when he might hv a change of heart. I guess I'll neva find sumone who see my worth. Sumtimes I do really need sumone who'll b there for me n understand my feelings but I dun seem to get sumone like that. In the beginning evrything seems so sweet n you think that he's the one for u but on second thought he might not be after all. As months pass by things start to change he can no longer take your attitude n all the sweet attitude disappear. All you see are just his bad sides n that's the truth. Truth always hurts. I'm so depressed at the moment. My relationshp is in jeopardy. I'm feeling insecure. I'm in total loss. All I need is his old self again who always checks up on me. Now its no longer the same. Things have changed n I hate changes. I just hope he won't cheat on me as I'm sincere n faithful no matter wat shit he had shown me. My love for him has neva change. But I wonder why he's behaving like that. If this relationshp fails again I'm so scared to fall in love again coz wen we fall too deep it hurts real bad n itz so hard to get up. I'm just gona be careful tis time round. Before I go on to the next relationshp, I shall see all the bad sides and gd sides before I even consider to be with him. I think thats all for now. I'm just hoping for the better and that he understands how I feel.

Missing you real bad Daniel..

LOVE SUX!!

2010-06-25T11:02:00.002+08:00

Heya peeps!! Got a new job doing telesales. Life's hard. Totally broke. Waiting for pay day and GST $$. Anyway i juz dun understand luv. It is nice to b in luv but along the way wen probs come up it feels like shit. I duno how to face that. Itz true wat people say ''Money is the root to all evil''. It brings happiness and sadness too. We all need money to live but it coz alot of probs wen we dun have enuff. In relationship wen we have money probs we'll always fight. I'm not materialistic. I'm contented as long we have sum cash to spare. All I need is true n sincere luv. I'm so stress rite now. Not in the mood to do anything.

A BRAND NEW DAY!!

2010-04-02T20:26:00.002+08:00

Hello evryone. Itz been a long time since i updated my blog. Been bz wit work but now i had just resigned cuz the work load is so much n i'm so stress working there. Anyway finally i've found sum1 who treat me well n luv me so much. God answer my prayers. I met a new guy at work.
But he is not a muslim. Indian guy but very romantic. Always shower me wit luv. Now we've been going on for more than 5mths. His name is DANIEL. I luv him so much la seh..But his profession is making him stress evryday. I pity him but i know no job out there can give him the amount of pay his taking currently.

I duno la. I just hope he'll be better.

Bye guys nid to go..got a date..hee...

2009-09-30T23:18:00.002+08:00

Heya people hv not been blogging for ages..haha..so many things hv happen..i hv graduate from sch and currently working in some ang moh companies..haha..
I've broken up wit my boifren..such a useless fella...now i'm single but currently not interested in relationships but to get to know guys i LIKE!! haha...anyway been busy and tired wit work..i enjoyed working there as the environment is great! I have great boss n colleagues..but the most bored thing is tat i'm single and there's no guys who is calling or sms-ing me..but i think i'm fine wit it..i believe that things happen for a reason and i will get sumone who wil luv me n cherish me wholeheartedly..

Alright i guess til here i''ll be blogging..any updates i wil try to keep u guys informed..by the way, to my ITE sch mates, itz not that i sombong but my work schedule is bloody busy i dun even have time for myself or to go shopping..pls read my blog to know my status..haha..mcm paham..anyway i do miss u guys..hope i'll be able to catch up wit old times when i'm a lil bit free..

CIOWZ PEOPLE!!!

2009-02-26T21:53:00.002+08:00

Hi..my relationshp wit him is getting better..he's more sweeter now..more loving den he use to b..i hope his change is for gd..anyway he got beaten up by two mat moto..kesian seh..he had make a police report n we'll c d outcum..i hope those two scumbags will get their juz desserts..Not only they beat him up but they also took away his wallet..inside his wallet ade 11B seh..so important kn?? Tk bertimbang rase seh..haish i juz hope he gets back his 11B soon..cuz he's surrending soon..n therefore he need his 11B urgently..I'll pray hard so that he'll get back his wallet..I luv u baby!!

Haish so stress up..so many thngs to do but yet so lil time..tmrw ade PR test lagy n den mon ade HR re-test..mengarot seh..brape byk test ni??!! bole jadi gile seh..baru nk rilek ade je bende..i hate sch so much..pnat sak otak..help i'm goin bonkers soon..gotta go nk blaja PR la..

2009-02-23T13:22:00.002+08:00

Aku da puas kene ni mcm seh..aku stress skali..smlm he reconciled wit me..he says tat he stil luv me n is giving me a last chance..he even said dun hurt him animore..bloody idiot..y am i falling into his traps again n again?? i'm fucking bored living life like tis..i told myslf to move on n stay strong but yet i can't..itz too hard cuz i luv him too much but the real fact is tat he dun even luv me..luv does not even exist in his life..he does not fit to be in luv n he does not fit to b loved..

I'll update more later..got to finish up my frontpage..

2009-02-22T20:23:00.004+08:00

Aku stress giler sak..y guys r doing tis to me seh? I luv dem n sincere to dem tapi ni balasan yg aku dpt..dimana ltak nye keadilan? My relationshp is on d rocks..rabak nye on d rocks..he ask for break up but i'm trying to save it..tapi lau da memang tkde jalan lagy den i hv no choice but to accept it...eventhough it hurts i stil hv to move on..i feel like locking my heart out to guys..i dun feel like falling in luv again cuz it hurts wen u fall too deep inside...y he do dis to me after all d sacriifices i've made?? He dun wish to xplain itz killing me..i duno wats his reasons for breaking up..lau da tau nk break up jgn la patch balek dat time..i feel like killing him seh..but i dun wish to stain my hands for a jerk like him..aku FED-UP!!!!!

I want to get away frm all tis but i duno how..itz too much for me to handle..oh god pls give me d strength to carry on..i hope i cud get over dis soon enuff..i duno hw but i'll try..

I'M SO HURT RITE NW!!!

2009-02-20T18:03:00.007+08:00

My relationshp wit him is ok..he bought me a heart-shaped pillow on valentine's day..but i'm stil unsure if he reali luvs me..well mulot kate cinta tapi hati leh kate laen pe kn..anyway i dun tink he cn b faithful..he's so different..he's nt like my previous x..byk2 laki yg aku kenal he's the onli one yg menyusahkn aku..haish..naseb2..agaknye tuhan nk duga aku by knowing him..itz so miserable wit him seh..ntah la aku serahkn segale nye pade tuhan..

ThnX for d PresenT DeaR!! I LuV it So MucH!!!

Enuff abt him..i'll b graduating soon..so many thngs to do..sch werk is piling up..so stressful..my frontpage project is yet to be completed..and i' m left wit a wk more..nxt fri i've to hand in..mangkok la seh..PANIC time!! ARGHHHHH!!! (pulling my hair)..

I'll be missing my frenz..they r d best frenz eva..thnx guys for making my life journey a memorable one..we laugh togeder, cry togeder, panic togeder and others..haha..going to sch is always a fun one cuz u guys neva fail to bring laughter..i LUV u guys alot..i'll mish u guys wen we graduate..oh i wana cry now..thnk u azimah, faridah, atikah n fatimah..u guys have been d best buddies in sch..all d memories shared will b kept in my heart..we stil hv a few more wks b4 we say gdbye..haha..so let's crap while we stil cn..

U GUYS ROCK MAN!!!

2009-02-08T22:34:00.003+08:00

I juz got a new fone..haha..very hapi..my dad bought it for me..the model is W910I..i luv d fone cuz itz a shake fone which i've been wanting all my life..THNX DAD for d fone..i reali appreciate it..but after getting d fone..i receive bad news..my boifren wana break up wit me..read on to know wat happen..

In d end he ask for break up frm me..i'm so pissed off wit d reason he gave me..he said i'm so bz lately n hv no time for him..therefore he choose to leave me..n i tink tis time round he reali mean it..sedih memang la sedih tapi i tink ade hikmah nye jgk la perpisahan ni terjadi...if i carry it on pon no use..his attitude sux n he'll neva change..i tink my patience is over..no more room for him to hurt me again..he neva treasure my sacrifices tat i've made in tis relationshp..knape ini smue harus terjadi pada aku seh? All i ask is juz a relationshp yg bahgia tapi balek2 yg aku dpt slalu sebalik nye..after tis relationshp i nid to b careful before goin into another one..d hurt tat had been brought upon me is so deep n it makes me terrified to fall in luv again..cuz luv hurts so much n i tink i'd better not fall in luv cuz i'm so afraid to get hurt again..my heart wil definitely takes time to heal..time wil heal evrythng but i dun tink so..i HATE guys!! They are not worth to b loved n cherished cuz they neva care how gals feel...all they care is their fucking ego n their feelings..

After all d torture tat i went thru wit him i guess dis break up wud benefit me..i learn nt to trust guys easily n b devoted to them wholeheartedly..cuz they r nt worth it..trusting them wil leave u to get hurt..i can't believe tat tis is wat i get after staying faithful n be devoted to him..all my sacrifices r nt paid off..he's so heartless..no feelings at all..lafaz break up mcm senang giler..tkde pikir perasaan org..wat d hell..i hope he'll get his juz desserts..i believe ALLAH itu maha adil n he'll get back for wat he did to me..mayb one day wen he reali luv a person..tat person wil leave a big scar on him without feeling sory..n he'll definitely know wats d meaning of HURT!!!!

Tis incident reali leaves a big impact on me..i'm reali terrified to fall in luv n trust guys again..tis incident also taught me not to b so gullible n soft-hearted in d future..i must b strong in facing challenges..i believe i cn get a better guy tat understands me n luv me wholeheartedly..Hanye ALLAH je yg bole menentukn segale nye..For now i'll let the wound heal 1st n get over him..cuz i stil hv feelings for him..All d memories dat we had r swit n i'll treasure it in my heart..i stil remembr hw he proposed to me to b his gal..tat was d switest thng eva tat i'll neva forget..I HATE SWEET-TALKERS-MOTHERFUCKER!!! I'll tell myself not to be smitten by guys honeyed words cuz they dun mean wat they say..they say it juz to make us feel gd n hv a hidden motive bhind it..Handsome guys can't b trusted too cuz they r gd-looking n they tink they can get anyone they desire but they forget tat all tis comes from GOD n HE can take it away anytime HE wants..I hope all d gd-looking people outder pls dun b too proud of urself cuz ur asset won't last foreva but gd heart n attitude lasts a lifetime n is loved by many..

Lastly to JABRULLAH...u wil get wat u deserve one day for treating me like SHIT!!! U dun deserve gd gals but u deserve a SLUT as ur galfren!!! I HATE U SO MUCH!!! N i know u HATE me too..so GDBYE for eva..DUN FORGET TO PAY UR DEBTS BITCH!! Serve u rite tat ur mum kick u out of d house..now u dun hv a shelter over ur head..HAHAAHA!!!! Cari la org yg bole tolong kau ehk..BTW ubah la prangai ehk..hv a backbone dun rely on others to help u always especially from gals..cuz gals are weak n nid protection frm guys nt d other way round..GROW UP!!! Dun b like a BABY!! Dun escalate things..U cn continue to glue sniff til u die or CNB catch u..hope u'll change to b a useful person in d future..GDBYE JABRULLAH..thnx for hurting me again n again..

I guess i nid to heal myself 1st..i nid to get away frm all tis..it's too much for me to take..i nid sumtime alone to get tis over...i dun noe wen i'll eva get to smile n sincere luv from sum1 who reali knows how to treasure luv..I'll pray hard n hope i'll get to mit my true luv soon..

2009-02-05T23:22:00.003+08:00

I feel tat my relationshp is getting drifted away..we r getting apart..we dun tok on d fone often n he dun pick up my calls..i dun understnd y tis is happening..is he having an affair again or wat i'm nt sure..wat i noe is evry day i feel miserable..he dun understand wat i'm going thru..i feel so tortured by his attitude..he act as if he's single..no commitments at all..wat a guy..if bz mcm ne pon tkkn a kol frm ur special sum1 tk leh angkt..no matter hw bz i am i stil attend to him..but wat abt him..bz smpi lupe galfren sendiri..haish i kept telling myself to b strong but i dun noe hw long tis goin to go on..

The touching part tat he said was i'm d 1st gal he eva brought to mit his mum..isn't tat cool n swit..tat means he's serious abt me..but den y is he treating me tis way..doesn't he noe hw hurt i am wit his cold shoulder attitude..neva mind i'm going yo check his hp tmrw..i believe he's hiding sumthng frm me..i can feel it..tkkn bz kmas uma one whole day..robot pon tau pnat ni kn manusia..i sense sumthng's amiss..y can't i hv a simple relationshp juz like other couples do?? Y can't i hv a boifren who wud treasure, protect n shower me wit luv?? WHY WHY WHY????

He wud neva stop lying..i hate LIARS!! They can't b trusted..Kate bz nk cuci fan but in d end tk angkt fone bcuz tgh glue sniffing..bila tanye nape tk angkt fone reason was cuci fan pas tu tetido...isn't it a LAME xcuse?? Smpi nk suro sumpah baru mengaku..reason nape tipu cuz takot aku marah..mengarot sak bobal..ni la manusia bila da dpt seseorg yg baek kt depan mate tk appreciate but wen dat person is gone baru la nk tercari2..buat pe smue nye suda terlambt..my suggestion is to luv d one dat luvs u more than u do cuz his luv fer u wil neva fade away..aku da tersilap memilih org..aku ingtkn die cintakn aku more than i do but ternyata aku yg mencintai die lebih dari die mencintai aku..ntah2 cinta langsong tkde kt dlm ati die..

Lau gadoh pon die won't bother nk pujok..tk mcm baru2 knal dulu..lau aku merajok die akan slalu pujok smpi aku ok balek..ni tk lau aku majok nk kene pujok sendiri..aku fed-up sak..but i believe tat he'll change one day n treat me rite cuz people change..i juz hope tat he'll realise my sincerity of luving him n we'll b a hapy couple again juz like wat we used to be..AMIN!!!

Haish bsk ade AOA la seh..seram nye..takot la..i wonder if i can do it la seh..i juz wory abt d IF function la seh...takot jek tk leh buat..wish me luck evryone..oh ya n gd luck to my frens..hope u guys can do it..

2009-02-04T21:20:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling so miserable inside but no one knows..not even my boifren..i tink i've chosen d wrong guy to b my dearest boifren..he's so unpredictable..at times he is so swit til i feel like i'm sitting on clouds..but at times he cud be very annoying and irritating..he can flare up at d slightest wrong words i say..he dun keep to his promises..he always promise but in d end he wil break it..now he is addicted to glue..he kept promising his mum n me dat he'll quit but he'll end up doing d same thing again..i dun noe wen he'll quit..

I wonder wen d day wil cum whereby he'll b very nice to me..juz nw i called him n he said tat he'll b miting his fren for drinks..i dun noe whether tats d truth or not..i dun trust him animore since dat bloody incident..pengalaman telah mengajarku..i'm so on my guard now..actuali we're suppose to mit today but he suddenly say tk yah..i'm sensing sumting is amiss..ya allah hanye kau sahaja yg tau ape die buat..he's such in rush to put down d fone..btol ke die mit kwn die or his having another affair..i dun noe..jabrullah tolong la lau kau da tk sygkn aku blang..i'll accept it daripada kau asyik tipu n bohongi aku..i can't take it animore living like tis..i nid to breakaway frm all tis..i reali wana mit sum1 yg btol2 mencintai aku n jujur..i dun noe wen i'll eva get to mit dat guy..but i believe he's sumwer outder...i'm so miserable nw..evryday i tink n pray to god wen he'll eva change..y do i mit him n in d end tis is wat i get..haish i'm so stressed up..day by day i ask myself shud i leave him or shud i give him a chance to change his attitude..i wud luv to let him noe abt wat i felt but i noe he wont bother..who else shud i seek to..all i hv is myself n god..i dun noe who i want to let out my sorrow to..i can go bonkers if tis carries on..ya allah berilah hambaMu ini kekuatan utk menempuh dugaan yg mencabar ini..i'll hang on til i can but if i can't take it animore den i guess he dun dserve my sacrifices n patience..i dun understnd y he can't appreciate me enuff..i've done d best i can to make dis relationshp smooth n lovely as i can..but i nt sure hw long tis relationshp can hold on..all i can do is cry evrynite to ease my sadness n sorrows..he treat me like a garbage..if he nids me den he'll find me if not he'll ignore me one corner..i'm a human n i hv feelings but he dun understand hw hurt i am wit his attitude..snue matreps memang mcm ni ke seh..suke saket kn ati org...wat a bitch..i tink all tis guys dun dserve gd gals..they dserve gals yg suke menggatal..looks are not evrythng but wat matters is d inner beauty dat a person must hv..no point having gd looks but hv a bad heart..but people look on d physical rather than d innerself..

I dun noe wat to do nw..i'm reali at my wits end now..haish..he is miting his fren but they are drinking @ Geylang la seh..harap2 die tk maen pelacor lak..i duno i can't accuse him of two-timing again..but tis time round if i caught him doing d same thing, i won't hesitate to leave him n won't look back no matter wat he say..i shall b strong n ignore him..i can't take it if it happens again..my heart is stil mending d broken pieces which he had broke many times..so i guess if it happens again it wil break into pieces n wil b hard to mend..ya allah aku da tk tahan idop begini..pls make life better for me dgn memberi aku peluang mengenali dgn seseorg yg baek..

Aku rase hanye aku saje yg mencintai die sepenoh ati but mungkin die tk mencintai aku langsong..ape harus aku buat..i'm so lost nw..ikot kn ati mcm nk tgl kn die tapi hati ni rase berat sangt..pade siape harus aku luah kn perasaan aku ni..ntah la aku pasrah saje..biar tuhan yg menentukn segalenye..aku serahkn segalenye pade Mu YA ALLAH...

Semua nye hanya tinggal kenangan!!!

2009-01-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a great day..me n boifee went clubbing..we had great fun 2gther..but tk sangka hari ni kite break up..i was juz kidding by calling him bangla..usually he'll joke back..but i dun noe y he take it so seriously..thnx fer treating me like tis..semuenye salah aku pe..wen die contact dgn pompan semue aku diam..tapi bile aku stakt gurau gitu je da nk take it serious seh..biarlah..mungkin ini ade hikmah nye..my life has always been like tis..tk perna dpt lelaki yg mulia..semua nye jantan keparat n jantan sundal..i hate guys..tkde korg pon tk mati ah..

As for u jabrullah i won't find u animore..2moro i take my tings n we'll go our separate ways..dun worry i won't msg u animore..u won't hear frm me after tis..gdbye for real..biarlah pahit ini aku telan..walaupon rase nye tidak menyenangkan..life has to go on..aku da mlas nk cari jantan lagy..tanpe korg pon tkpe ah..as for jabrullah kau ingat kau byk punye bagos..lu relek sua ah..if u r happy wit ur life now..fine..jgn kau regret in d future sua..ape yg kau nk buat skrg terserah kau..u r no longer mine..sedih memang sedih tapi tiada ape yg dpt aku lakukan melainkan berserah sahaja..mayb one day i'll definitely find a better guy way better den him...

Now i'm wondering whether slama ni die stakt nk buat pakai aku jek..i reali regret for trusting him too much..in my next relationship aku da tk nk serious lagy smpi aku btol2 tau yg die sincere..ya allah nape kau temukn aku dgn si jabrullah n in d end tis is wat i get for sacrificing so much..i feel like a fool shei..pls i nid time to get away..i nid time to get over tis..oh god pls help me in forgetting him..menyesal aku jadi pompan setia..aku da malas nk setia lagy..cuz guys dun deserve it at all..

To all d guys out there..i dun nid u man..so all of u can f*** off..i'm reali2 sad n hurt rite now..the hurt takes time to heal..i'm bleeding now..i dun noe hw long i'll take for it to heal totally n b ready to enter in another relationship..i'm so envious to all d couples out there who seem happy wit their partners but me i always get hurt..haish..aku benar2 pasrah..da naseb aku slalu kene BASTARD ni mcm..

2008-12-29T23:16:00.003+08:00

Elo people..my relationship wit him is getting better..biase la in relationship adekala nye pergadohan tu berlaku..tapi sumtimes i'm nt sure whether he reali luvs me or not..after tat incident on my previous post..i dare not ask him again..let time reveal the truth..if i have the opportunity to go abroad due to studies or werk..i wana c whether he'll wait for my return or not..actuali the real fact is he dun want me to go n leave him behind as he'll miss me alot for sure..but tats nt a reason for him not to wait for me..if he reali misses me he must wait for me to show his sincerity in luving me..well i juz leave evrything to god..may he change to b a better person one day n knows how to respect me wen talking..coz i believe evryone cn change..

I STILL LUV U ALOT BABY..NO MATTER WAT U DO TO ME N HOW HURT I AM WIT UR ATTITUDE AT TIMES..PLS OPEN UR HEART N TREASURE ME TIL U CAN..

2008-12-27T17:47:00.005+08:00

I'm terribly hurt today..over wat he said..wen he was in prison i waited for his release..but juz now wen i said wat if i nid to go away wil u wait fer me?? His rply was "tkde mase ah i nk tunggu..u ingt i ape sak nk tunggu2" tat was wat he said..i'm very hurt..i regret waiting fer him..if i noe he wud say tat i wil neva wait fer him..his nt serious abt tis relationship..i noe he's not serious..coz the way he treats me is like shit..sumtimes he's swit but at times he's such a jerk..i dun understand him at all..i've sacrificed a lot for him..but he is neva appreciative of wat i've done..til my patience is there i'll persevere but dun let my patience runs low..i had enuff of being hurt, played n tricked by guys..y god create men to hurt gals..itz juz nt fair..i'm tired of all tis..guys r jerks, bastard n a gd fer nothing..i hate them..always luv to play wit gals heart..if nt serious in luv or duno wats the meaning of luv dun go into relationships..coz u r juz wasting ur time n energy..to all the gd guys out there treasure ur relationship n luv ur gals wholeheartedly coz gals nid sincere luv frm u nt an unsincere one..

Baby i'm terribly hurt by wat u say..u always hurt me without u knowing..u always tink tat u r rite..i'm so upset..haish..tot i wud get a guy who wil take care of my heart but in d end i get sum1 who dun treasure me..wat a luck..i give up man!!!

p/s: sory galfrens for nt able to make it for yesterday outing..reali2 sory..

My love is onli for u...

2008-12-17T13:44:00.003+08:00

Smlm aku gadoh dgn matair aku smpi die sound break up..hati aku bagaikn gugur ke bumi..hancur berkecai hatiku setelah mendgr ape yg dilafazkn oleh nye..tk ku sangka hubungan ini akan berakhir dlm sekelip mate..aku menangis sambil terkenangkan kenangan manis aku dan dia..i love him too much n tk sanggop kehilangannye..

Den guess wat..die kol aku n said he was sory abt wat had happened..he didn't mean to hurt n break up wit me..he said break up in a moment of anger..after hearing wat he said, i was so hapi coz my relationship wit him is not over yet..i jump wit joy..die terlalu bermakne dlm hidopku..he's evryting to me..he means alot to me n i can't afford to lose him..die la penawar, racun n penghibur hatiku..wat happened make me realise tat i reali luv him alot n the fight makes my relationship stronger..

Disini ingin aku smpikan kepadanye bahwa kau la insan yang u cintai selalu..tiada siape yg boleh merubah perasaanku ini terhadapmu..cintaku terhadapmu jujur belaka n i love u alot dear..i love u more than anything..i'll try my very best not to hurt u n i hope u won't hurt me either..i will always love u..muacks!!!

U r my ecstacy n i'm so addicted to u..

Itz getting better!!

2008-12-08T20:08:00.009+08:00

To all the people who is waiting for me to update my blog..here it is..i'm updating..so dun forget to read it k..btw my new address for blog is sazzylovejabby.blogspot.com

Wow itz been a long time since i've updated my blog..my relationship wit him is getting better..kite da loving2 balik..but i hope it stays like tat for gd..i'm tired of fighting and crying all the time..i'm beginning to trust him like last time..i hope he won't break my trust n hurt me..i've had enuff of being hurt..i want sum happiness..i want a sincere luv..i can't b the best for u but my luv for u is always true..i luv u too much to lose u..i'm deeply in luv wit ya syg..hope u luv me too..today is hari raye haji..which means korban day..haha..i want to sembelih ummi..hahahaa...daging die mesti tkde org nk nye..haha...juz kidding ummi..jgn marah ye..

hmm i guess tis is all for today..nothing new to update..i'll update more if i hv more stories to share kays..

What's happening!!

2008-11-26T15:21:00.003+08:00

Lately, I duno why my relationship seems to b on the rocks..evryting i felt about his change i kept in my heart..i dun want him to noe coz he neva seems to understand n itz hard for me to talk about it to him..so i guess keeping tings to myself is the best way..i guess guys can't b trusted..just now while i was talking to him on the fone..i heard his fren say "tadi bebual dgn org lain skrg dgn org lain..tau takot boy" tats wat i heard..n his reply was "mane ade..kau jgn sembrg siol" wen i ask him abt it he said nothing..nape org tk realise my kindness..i luv him alot but y i deserve tis..i've helped him alot financially..but he dun seem to bother..i'm reali a fool..wat i do is nt appreciated..i noe tis type of guys always go for looks..but trust me..looks is not evryting..well..wat goes round comes round..i hope he'll change juz like wat he used to be..last time he's very swit..he luvs me alot n neva break my trust..but recently..i can't bring myself to trust him..wen he says "B i syg u.." my heart felt nothing but deception..y is all tis happening now?? Y u change B? Izit bcoz u are tired of me? I duno..I dun hv the courage to ask u tat coz u'll flare up n make tings worse..i'll hold on til i can but if i can't hold any longer i guess itz best to breakaway from all tis..i can't be the type of gal u want but all i can give is my luv n sincerity..mengertilah syg..i'm reali stressed rite nw..even my previous relationship is not like tis..i reali dun noe wats going on rite now..he is nt the same animore..i hope he's not a playboy animore..i dun want to be hurt again..plz allah..show me ur guidance..no one understands wat i'm feeling now..i nid some space..B u tk nampk ke kesetiaan i selama ni? nape u jadi begini? tk cukop ke ape yg i da buat utk u? wat more muz i do to get ur attention?? i sakit pon u tk peduli..nape aku slalu silap dlm memilih pasangan? y can't i feel happy? My happiness lasts for awhile n after tat back to sorrowness again..i hate my life..if i noe tis wud b the result..i'll neva waited for him..he dun realise all tis coz he dun feel n treasure the relationship..my trust towards u is decreasing day by day..i duno hw long i can hold on..i'm feeling very miserable now..i hope god wil open up ur eyes n make u realise all the things i've done for u all tis while..

y is tis happening...

2008-11-23T23:52:00.005+08:00

i'm so sad lately..i tink my emotions is unstable sikit..coz i'm not myself..i feel tat my relationship is getting apart..my bf wanted me to post his number on his frenster as a shout out to get back to his old frens..but most of his frens in frenster are girls..i dun want his past galfrens find him again..god knows wat will happen if tats the case..y did he bcome like tis?? Lately he has change..i dun noe y..i gt the feeling as if he dun luv me animore..plz dun let tat happen..i luv him too much to lose him..haish..i'll let fate dcide wat shall happen in tis relationship..i dun want another failure..enuff is enuff..i dun want another unsincere luv frm guys again...i'm hurt too much..all tis while i'm faithful to him nt once i lied to him..but y all guys hurt me time n again..am i nt deserve to b loved or b in luv? Baby u r my last boifren..after tis if it fails again..i give up to find guys..i'm gona wait for sumone who reali luv me for who i am..i noe i'm not ur type..but u r the one who choose me..itz nt fair by treating me tis way..mayb i dun deserve to b ur galfren..haish..i dun noe..i'm confused n all i wana do is cry my heart out..u sound so different today..mcm mls nk layan..mayb u r sick of me..mayb..juz mayb..i'm so hurt by eu B..seriously i do. Mayb u dun understand how i feel..wait til u feel it n i act cool then u'll noe how hurt it is..u tink u r so hensem, cute n great? there's always sumone out there who's way better than u r..so dun b too arrogant n proud of urself..coz if u fall it gona hurt..plz stop hurting me wit ur words..cuz i can't take it animore..juz bear in mind tat i luv u so much..treasure my luv cuz itz full of sincerity..trust me..

He's Finally back!!

2008-11-13T23:15:00.002+08:00

Yay!! My beloved boifee is back..terubat rase rindu ku selama ini..i received a letter from him tat he wrote in prison..the letter was very sweet..all he wrote about was how he felt about me..i can tell tat the letter is written with sincerity. I guess he luvs me alot..he said tat he wana be a changed man..he no longer wana b a mat rep..i feel so happy now that he wants to change..he dun even wana go clubbing animore..best seh..B i like the change in u now..i'll always luv u..u r the best guy i ever had..ur luv is too much tat i feel like crying..i noe u luv me too much n i luv u too..plz B dun ever hurt my feelings n being unfaithful cuz i can't take it if it happens..i luv u too much..u mean evryting to me..

Gosh!! Wat a jerk!! RAZA U R A CRAZY PERSON I'VE EVA KNOWN!! LIAR!! I can't believe tat i talked to a married man all tis while..i shud hv known better than to entertain him..haiyo..itz a big nightmare..i feel so sinful to hv disturb sumone's marriage..he even lied to me about his age..he told me he was 27 but it turns out tat he's twice than tat..he cud even be my father..i felt so disgusted..luckily i didn't fall for his sweet words..n fall in luv wit him..haha..thnx alot god..i've juz almost did a big mistake..he even had a kid n i believed his kids are all grown up..i hope he won't bother me animore..i'm goin to throw him out faraway..step innocent n virgin konon tk penah hv sex..padahal smpi da ade anak..tkkn la tk buat pape seh..FUCKIN LIAR!! haish..wat a luck..Dun trust anybody so easily without knowing his backgrd..

In a mess...

2008-11-08T19:35:00.004+08:00

i hate u scumbag...itz been a week since u last called me..LIAR!! JERK!! wats ur motive of gettin close to me?? if u hv a motive to break us apart..hmm..then hanya allah je la yg bole membalas nye for breaking pple's relationship..i hope tat not the case..but wer hv u been?? kalau nk mengundur diri pon blang la..haiyo..i'm so stressed up..wit projects comin up n groupin go haywire..ntah la..cabaran idop..si adam ni pon satu..bila la nk kasi balek ps2 aku ni..melampau btol..da kasi pinjam tu kasi la balek..hish...asyik nk berkepit bawah ketiak matair die je..ntah obat ape la matair die tu pakai smpi die tk leh lari dari nye..hmm..i guess he luvs her too much..tapi tkkn smpi tkde masa nk kasi barang org balek..janji tgl janji seh..plz la..tu barang org nt urs..glad he has changed to become faithful..at last..but i wonder wat makes him change..hmm..luv can reali change a person..i hope they wil b together 4 ever..wish all da best to him..i'm severing my ties wit ya..i dun want to get involve wit ya animore..after taking my things i'm goin away frm ur 4 gd..coz u dun deserve a fren like me..i'm so fed-up wit ya..but i'll keep those hapi memories in my heart..thnx 4 hurting n treating me like a rubbish all tis while..u juz dun noe how to treasure a gd fren..i'm not a ball whom u can throw about..so i think enuff is enuff dun u think? hope u wil hv a hapi life ahead..i'll always remember u as sumone who neva treat me right..

Da 2 minggu lebih u kt dlm B..i kesunyian disini..u tau tk?? Evryday i tunggu surat u..tapi smpi skrg satu surat pon i tk dpt dari u..i wonder how long is ur sentence..i rindu banget sama u..tapi ape leh i buat..i hanye dpt menunggu dan teros menunggu..penantian ade la satu penyeksaan...B come home soon ehk..i mish u alot..jgn lupe kn i wen u da kua nnt..i slalu setia menunggumu syg..hmm..rite now very bz wit sch werk..tk abes2 la keje ni..boring sak...i need a break...

LOVING EU DEAR!!

2008-10-16T17:47:00.002+08:00

Hi evryone..thnk u 4 spending ur time reading my blog..haish..currently wat is always on my mind is my boo..i can't stop missin him n my heart is always yearning for him..i duno wat to do..i feel time passes by so slow..i duno wen i eva get to c him..i hope he had learn his lesson n not repeat it again..if he repeat again i goin to hammer his head..haha..like real..can't even bear to hit him..haha..evrynite bfore i go to bed i always talk to my boo..but i talk to his pic nt him..more to like talkin to maself..haha..at tis rate i'm afraid tat i'll end up in IMH..haha..hope tats not goin to happen..haha..i long to hear his voice..haish..i guess i'll juz wait for him..no matter wat i hope our love won't change..I LOVE EU DEAR N WIL ALWAYS DO!!

CaN't StOp ThInKiNg AbT hYm!!

2008-10-14T22:32:00.003+08:00

Elo evryone!! Itz been quite sometime since i have a blog..i hope no more conflicts happened again with regards to blog..haha..anyway i'm currently attached to a special person whom i love so much..i get to know him thru chatline n some how or rather we were attached..i tink itz fate..haha..we met n we fell in luv..for the very 1st time i met him i was so nervous n scared at the same time coz chatterz can't b trusted..u noe all they want is fun..i tot i'll neva get a guy thru chatline..so tis is my 1st time i found sum1 thru chatline..itz so irony how tings happen..nonetheless, i'm glad tat i got to noe him..so as i was saying..i met him @ CT.HALL station..i was late for the date..haha..not tat late..juz late for 5 mins..but he waited 4 me w/o complaining..my heart was thumping real hard upon tapping my ez-link..my eyes was searching for him..but he was nowhere in sight..so i called him n told him tat i've reached..so he said ok he'll b comin down in juz a while..he told me tat he would b wearing all white..so i searched for a guy in white..then my phone rang n there he was..i saw him..my heart was thumping like hell..as i approached him..my hands were trembling, my palms are cold n i broke into cold sweats..i almost had a nervous breakdown..haha..so he broke the silence..i was nervous but i stil talked..he noes how to make me comfortable..so in juz a few mins..i was comfortable talkin to him..my nervousness all gone..haha..n we talked alot abt various topics..wen i looked into his eyes..there was sumting i felt but i was not sure..the way he looked at me is very sweet n wit luv..but i dun xpect too much coz he said he had enuff of relationships..so therefore i assume he's nt ready for any relationship at all..but guess wat?? out of the blue in the taxi..he popped tat special question..i was shocked n could nt react..i was too blur...he kept askin if i would like to b his...so i supposed u guys noe the answer rite?? i nodded n he was so hapi..if he's nt in the cab i tink he would hv jumped..haha..i could c the happiness in him wen i said yes..but i asked him too y u want to hv a gal if u r nt ready for any relationship..n his answer was he already liked me in the 1st place..n wen we met he actuali already planned to make me his..i was shocked n tears of joy fell down my cheeks..tat was the most sweetest ting a guy eva said to me..but i hope wateva he said is true n nt juz a sweet talk..to melt my heart..so tat was a story abt hw i gt to noe him n attached to him..he had made my life full of color n hope wen i was down n lonely..eversince he came into my life, i felt i'm nt alone n always hapi..

But time doesn't side with us..he had actuali AWOL bfore he knew me..so i spent time with him for abt 3 wks onli wen he had to surrender to the SCDF..at tat time i felt the world had stopped n i was so sad..i cried alot coz i mish him badly..but his officers were kind enuff as to let him njoy a wk bfore they sentenced him..so i onli managed to spent time a wk wit him n mlm raye was the last time i eva saw n hugged him..he was sentenced to 24 days in a Detention barrack..but he stil hv to serve another sentence in prison for i dunno hw long after he is out frm the barrack..haish..my heart can't stop missing him evryday..i mish his voice n talkin to him..he had made my life so full of happiness...i wanna mit him now..plz ALLAH make his prison sentence lighter coz i can't take tis anymore...aku da tk tahan merindui dirinye..baby i harap u baek2 aje la disane..i slalu doakn yg terbaek utk u..u jgn la risau psl i..my luv 4 u wil neva fade n wil always b the same...i look 4ward to ur release..where evryting is over n we could mit evryday like no one's business..i harap u pon same k..slalu merindui i n cinta u terhadap i tkkn berubah..i want us to b like last time..hapi2 always n full of crappin by me..haha..i wanna b hapi again with u by my side..currently i always wake up with him in my mind n missin him..i'm nt reali hapi but i juz try..coz life goes on..but sumtimes i wonder y tis happen..y can't we b like other couples..so hapi n can c each other anytime they want...haish..i guess tings happen for a reason..i juz wait for his release n hope tis nightmare wil b over soon..i wanna wake up frm tis nightmare..

2007-03-02T15:42:00.000+08:00

STRESS!!! lots of tings to study..access xam is nxt wk..i hv no confidence..eventhough i cn do it during class test..i'm scared tat e qns would b diffcult during e xam itself..i've no problems in doin access..its juz tat e calculation part whereby i would commit errors..haiz..duno wat to do..hmm i guess onli by prayin tat i cn do wit much ease..coz ALLAH wil always help hamba2 nya..my frens hv been buggin me to change my template..but itz nt tat i dun want to change..i'm dying to change it actuali but it doesnt seem to werk..hmm...i'll keep on tryin..
ouh man..i've spoilt e template..nw my tagboard is gone, my links gone, haiya..duno wat to do lei..HELP ME ANYBODY!!

Yhugs n kissesY

2007-02-25T16:12:00.000+08:00

well..i'm writin after so long..aniwae lots of tings had happen in my life..juz hope my relationship wit my boo wil b back on track again..i noe itz hard 4 him to trust me again..but i hope he wil..coz relationship is based on trust..w/o trust there'll b fights..i wish he could 4get evryting n start afresh..thnx syg 4 givin me e chance again to reprimand things..

my dad is so irritating nowadays..his attitude is pissing me off..small things is like a big thing to him..i juz wish he would b back like his norm self again..i dun noe wat is wrong wit him..even if he is facing problem..he shldnt behave like tat..haiz..i'm juz waiting 4 him to change..if tis goes on i'll go berserk sooner or later..write again soon..

YloveY

2007-02-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

well..life is full of boredom..day by day i hate my dad..i noe i shldnt but he's like such a nagger..he's mouth is like a machine gun..keep firing non-stop..i'm so fed-up..y cant u b like other dads who dun nag..i've done wateva u want me too..i clean up da hse b4 going out..wat more do u want?! isnt it enuff of cleaning..u neva appreciate wat i did..u promised to buy me PS2 after hari raya but NEH nothin..til now i dun c it..if i pestered u..u said those games r 4 small kids..helo..der r pple out there who is older den me n stil playin it..i'm sick of doin wat u told me to do..coz i dun get wat i asked 4..itz nt alwayz tat i asked u to buy things 4 me..cant u like juz buy it 4 me?! u taught me to keep to promises if i made any..but wat abt u?? did u dad?! itz always empty promises made by u time n again..i'm DAMN SICK of it dad..do u noe e reason y i'm nt so affectionate 2wards u?? e ans is..u piss me off wit ur naggin..i cant stand it any longer..if u want ur daughter to b like all those kids outside who r so lovin 2wards their dad..u hv to change ur ways 1st..u dun even show ur affection 2wards me..all u care is juz nag n nag..plz give me a break wil ya..evrytime all u nag abt is e hse is damn dirty..but actuali i've clean it..n u dun even c..at times i feel tat i shldnt bother 2 clean up coz u wil stil nag aniway..no difference..but bcoz of mom i clean up..i pity her..if nt i wont even bother..u even accused me of goin out w/o bothering to clean up e hse..tat is so WRONG of u dad..plz dad i'm tired of all tis..

anyway..i'm so damn bored 2day..no one 2 go out wit..so juz stay @ hme..been stayin hme 4 2 days nw..congratz to my dear fren who manage to move on wit his life..

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Nice lyrics rite..lov tis song..hurt...

Yhurtin myselfY

2007-02-16T16:31:00.000+08:00

life's full of challenges..evryday ders a challenge waiting for u..sumtimes i do feel sick of life..sumtimes i feel why i was born into e world..i want to look n feel gd but i wonder why i'm fat..wat went wrong til i get tis kind of body full of fats..even guys find me ugly..they dun give me a glance or smile..but after much thinkin..i appreciate wateva god had given me..mayb he knows wat wil happen if i hv e looks n body..i guess i hv to thnk god..for givin me 2 adoring parents n an irritating sisx..oops i mean at times la..well i've gone through lots of challenges in life..i'm grateful tat i manage to overcome all those challenges..but it doesnt end der..there is stil more challenges to come in da future..til my last breath..den onli it wil b over..in da meantime i'm stil tryin to hang on..

i cant help thinkin abt my worst memories in my life..ders is tis particular tragedy tat stuck in my mind 4 life..it was e most painful n hurtful event tat had eva happen in my entire life..(dun ask y k) it is deeply etched in my mind..i'll cry evrytime tinkin abt it..well i guess sum memories are meant to remembered 4 eternity...

EMO..HAHA

YTINKIN ABT MY LIFEY
i envy all those gals who had a gd catch bf..loaded..hensem n evryting..they no nid to wori a ting..wen goin out on a date..ders always cash..but me..i'm stuck wit a bf tat dun give me a sense of security..he's ok to me..he loves me lots n wil pamper me wit anyting i want..all i nid is juz to ask..but 1 ting abt him is tat..he dun hv e cash..i'm nt being materialistic here but e fact is evry women wants a guy who is financially stable..last wk he had borrowed 20 bucks frm me..i did gave e $$ coz he said tat he'll pay me on VDAY as his pay wil b in on dat day..but his pay was nt in so i had to wait 4 at e end of e mth..n nw he juz ask me for $$ again abt 20 bucks!! He wanted me to transfer to his bank acc..but sory dear i've to lie to u tat i dun bring my card along which i actuali do.. i'm nt being stingy but itz my savings..my hard-earned savings..i'm supposed to use it onli on RAINY DAYS!! i guess he nids time to build up his career.. he had promised to give me e sense of security tat i've been longin for..well i reali dun noe hw long i cn wait 4 him to b stable financially..LOVE??!! well i do lov him but lov nids $$ too..cant juz live based on lov..coz we nid to feed ourselves..tis is e reality of life..u cant live w/o $$..Dear i'm nt lookin down on ya..i noe u cn do it..dun give up ya..well 'face hardship at 1st n njoy it later'..TIL HERE DEN..CHIOWZ!!

Ymishing uY

2007-02-14T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hmm..disappointment again..we had planned to go out wit baby tis fri but..my boo has to werk..i knew tat he had to werk cos his schedule said so..but he told me tat his shift was change to sat..den he juz told me tat it was confirmed he would be werkin tis fri..haiz..wen wil i get e chance to go out wit baby??!! i juz want 1 chance to experience goin out wit a baby..is tat so difficult?!! everytime plan to go out wit her..sumting crops up..DAMN PISSED OFF!! well i reali hope tat tis mon my plan wil go smoothly n my dream bcum a reality..plz god juz 1 chance to hv a day out wit baby..plz..

well 2day is VDAY!! so wat we muslims r nt supposed to celebrate it anyway..no offence pple..i juz find tat vday is juz a normal day whereby u do e normal routine everyday..there r no public holidays or sumting..u hv to give sumting to ur loved ones..i dun even buy anyting 4 my guy 4 his bdae n our anniversary..so why even bother abt vday..

2moro is another day in sch...so tired of schlin..i tink i nid a break..my body is aching all over..i feel weak..all i wana do is to hv a gd long sleep..thnk god CNY is comin..at least i dun hv to attend sch 4 2 days coz itz a public holiday..YIPPEE!! i cn sleep 4 a lil longer..well xamz r coming soon..itz juz ard e corner..in MArch i'll b sittin 4 my FINAL XAMZ!! can u believe tat..hw time flies...haha..but i'm stil tinkin abt wat course to take if i pass wit a gd GPA pt..PWEASH..gimme a break plz..i'm so tired..care to give me a massage anybody..haha..

chiowz pple...gotta go n watch american idol..

tinkinabtualways

DECISIONS!!

2007-02-12T20:36:00.000+08:00

everyone has to make decisions in life..but e choice of decisions muz b rite n precise..well even if u tink tats e best decision..it might not b e rite 1..coz nothing in tis world is perfect..wen u fall btwn choices tat u hv to make in a short time..u'll panicked n confusions arise..e hardest decision is tat wen u fall in lov wit 2 persons n both hv e qualities tat u r lookin 4..n to choose e best is rather tough..u cant possibly choose both..coz if u do tat u r being unfair..well life is tough..n itz all abt makin decisions..even frens.,u hv to choose e best 1..coz if u mix wit e wrong company..u'll end up losin..so tink carefully b4 makin decisions in ur life..make wise choices..coz it may bring u happiness or disappointment..

I used to think tat my parents dun lov me wen they nag, scold or even beat me..they nvr try to understand me fully..but i was wrong..wateva they do is actuali to wake me up frm being influenced..they lov me but e way they show it is abit annoying n hurtful..but i noe they hv gd intentions..who wants their kids to b bad pple..evryone wants a filial kid tat make them proud..we shld understand their pain tat they r feelin nt rebellin..i'm glad my parents decided to give me e freedom tat i want..i used to b refrain frm goin out..i ended being cooped up in e hse..wen freedom is given we shldnt take it 4 granted i guess..appreciate wat is given even if there r curfews tat u hv to abide..dun go over limit n break e curfew coz u end up losin e trust given.. thnx mum dad..i lov u so much..

Yconfusednhurtin

MY FEELINGS!!

2007-02-07T16:19:00.000+08:00

haiz..been so uptight lately..aniwae..i'm bored..cant wait til fri..coz itz wkend n i'm goin out wit my boo n baby on fri..muz b interestin..at least i cn put my mind @ ease..dis days dun noe who to trust..alot of hypocrites in dis werld..itz hard to trust pple..if u trust 2 much n confide evryting..they wil leak ur secret n u wil b disapponted..happen to me lots of time but time n again i owayz trust sum1..eventuali i was backstabbed again..sum pple get close 2 u n b nice 2 u coz they hv a motive..c'mon secrets r meant to b secrets n itz a trust tat u cn neva break..once u broke it..no 1 wil eva entrust their secrets wit ya..

sch sux..cant wait 2 graduate n get posted 2 other ITE in higher nitec which i hope i'm able to go..lots of memories although itz a short time i've been here..ders e gd ones n bad ones 2..e bad ones i wil try to 4get n i'll keep e gd ones in my heart..glad 2 find best buddies here..enjoy evry single time wit dem..they make me laugh..thnx guys..i dun noe hw i'll cope without all of u..e teachers r great..all r carin teachers..thnx guys 4 ur time n guidance..reali appreciate it..how time flies..gona graduate soon..dun tink i wana carry on in tis sch animore..ders nt much of great courses in bshan..i want to do sumtin tat reali interest me..itz sad leavin my best buddies soon..hope e 4 of us wil get to e same institution n study 2gether..u ROCK GUYS..LOV U..i LOV U 2 IFAH..mish tokin n hangin ard wit ya..hope wil catch tings up sumday.. C YA!!

CANT TAKE TIS ANIMORE!!

2007-02-05T20:09:00.000+08:00

Today ders a photo-takin session in sch..but sumting happen dat made me so damn pissed off..i heard sum people frm my class dun like my dyed hair..SO WAT SIA!! ITZ MY HAIR U DAMN BITCHES!!! i'm so damn angry!! itz nt like as if i use their $$ or their parent's $$..HELO EVA SINCE WEN I WANA STEP SEXY SIA!! my skirt n shirt is nt even tight..well if ur jealous say so la..no nid to tok behind my back..COWARDS!! MINAH GOSSIP!! u think u r DAMN FUCKIN PRETTY N PERFECT IZIT!! UNTIL U HV TO TOK LIKE TAT ABT PEOPLE..u think onli u all izit cn dye hair?!! COME ON LA!! GROW UP MAN!! i dun even use ur damn bloody $$..i HATE u ARROGANT BITCHES!! LOOK @ URSELVES IN DA MIRROR B4 CRITICISING PEOPLE OK!!! FUCK ALL OF U LA....DUN GO OVERBOARD K..DERS A LIMIT TO MY PATIENCE..U ALL GONA GET A SLAP 1 DAY LA..TRUST ME!!

YAY..CONGRATZ FOR DA YOUNG LIONS!!

2007-02-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

I'm so hapi n proud of da lions..they make s'pore proud..all thnx to khairul amri..if he didnt score a goal juz nw..god noes who wil win..aniwae congratz to alam shah as he managed to get 2 medals..he won the best valuable player medal n score the most goals 4 tis ASEAN match..i'm so into alam shah..he's so cute n capable..lov him..i'm reali hapi tat s'pore win..WOOHOO!! I hate e way e Thais play..so unfair..even the referee is one-sided..but i hate tis player named thongson i think..such a pathetic player..stupid..has a bad attitude..

aniwae 2day i celebrated my dad's bdae..yesterday was his actual bdae but we celebrated it 2day @ a restaurant..so damn full 2day..eat alot..we go to let's eat n gorge ourselves..but da food was delicious..i njoy it veri much..thnx dad..i'll treat u 1 day wen i've start werkin..he's so hapi 2day..lov u dad..

well..2moro hv 2 go 2 sch..damn bored..ders SOT..haiz..stress sei..last wk werk have nt even finish..da task is so hard..i'm nt sure if i cn do it..nvr mind..atikah cn help me..she's so clever..haiz..juz receive news frm mum dat my grandma wil b stayin here..haiz..so bored..no freedom..hate it..i hope grandma wil change her mind n stay over my auntie hse..haiz..k la got to go..2moro got sch..hv to sleep..CIOWZ BABEZ..

BUSY STRESSIN UP!!

2007-02-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

HEYA!! wats up guys..i've not been following up my blog lately..been bz..studyin access..tryin my best to get da hang of it..juz sit 4 2 test recently..i think i gona flung my access xam..i can do but lack of time..i try not to waste my time on forms,queries n report..but da most tat i wil spent my time on is da report coz it needs sum adjustin..if u can adjust nicely at a fast pace..den u can finish da whole paper in time..i always didnt manage to do da report..i onli manage to print 3 items which is da relationships, forms n datasheet..i wish i'm fast enuff to finish up da whole test..haiz..reali disappointed wit myself..but evry subject has itz difficulties..aniwae itz way lot betta den doin maths..at least i can do unlike maths i cant even think..i'm so poor wit numbers..yea i noe BPF has numbers too..i'm poor @ it too..but at least itz not as complicated as maths whereby u nid to calculate algebra or sumting..

I do mish sec sch life..,mish my classmates who always cheer me up wen i'm down n help me in my studies..i regretted for not studying hard enuff n often skipped sch which resulted me failing my 'O' Levels..but aniwae tats all in da past..i dun wish to repeat history again..tis time i wana put my best effort n get gd grades n make my parents proud..there's reali a difference wen u come to sch evryday n rarely skipped sch..it helps alot..i dun feel panicky as i'm not far left behind..aniwae itz all thnx to da sch system which states tat u nid MC so tat ur attendance rate wil not b affected..LETTERS r not counted..

I'm gettin older now..hv to change my attitude n b more mature..nw i noe tat itz not ez being older..i used to grumble wen i'm 17 as i was prohibited from buying cigarettes, alcohol drinks, enterin clubs n was terrified to smoke in public as da police wil fined me if i was caught smokin..but da day wen i turned 18..i was so hapi coz at last i can do all da tings dat i was restricted wen i was below 18..smokin publicly is not an issue animore for me..except wen i'm in my stupid sch uniform..but as i'm turning 19 tis yr i'm terrified of gettin older..y i said i'm terrified?? Da reason is..i dun noe wat my future wil b, how wil i look, da responsibility dat i'll b carryin..i'm so terrified..i dun noe if i wil b able to handle it..i stil do childish tings at times n i dun tink n act maturely..OH GOD HELP ME..PLEASEE..Oh ya 2moro is my dad's bdae..i dun even hv present for him..i juz dun hv da $$..i guess dad wont mind n he understands(i hope)..i think a sincere bdae wish n sayin hw much i lov him matters more den presents..so here it goes..HAPPY BDAE DAD!! MAY U LIVE TO A RIPE OLD AGE..I LOVE U..THNX 4 ALWAYS BEING DER 4 ME..I think i'll stop here...i'll update weneva i'm free..so STAY TUNED!!

LOV DA YOUNG LIONS..

2007-01-31T22:32:00.000+08:00

itz been so long since i update my blog..too tired tis few days..til got no time to update..aniwae juz finish watchin soccer..COOL!! CONGRATZZ TO S'PORE!! i lov NOR ALAM SHAH!! he's a fantastic goal scorer..bcoz of him s'pore always scores..hope he's performance wil stay strong til s'pore gets that CUP!! lookin 4ward to da nxt match..GO YOUNG LIONS!! k enuff of soccer..

i mish those days in sec sch whereby i played soccer among my frens n classmates..itz tough though..especialli being da goal keeper..i hv to dive n it hurts..but itz fun..hope i can get a chance to play again..my life stil da same..boring..dull..hope brighter days wil come soon..k gotta go..i'll update again soon(if i hv da time..hehe..) wanna watch american idol..pity all those fools who disgrace demself..

SOME POETS!!

2007-01-26T20:40:00.000+08:00

FRENSHIP

true frens nvr give up on u
they wil always b there for u
they dun care abt ur looks or hw gorgeous u r
but they look into ur personality
true frens r hard to come by
who wil stand by u all da way
i'm glad i've found true frenship
while studyin in ite
i wont let it go..
thank u my frens for standin by me all along..

IN MY HEART!!

2007-01-25T19:14:00.000+08:00

Til now i've nvr understand wat love is..ade ape dgn cinta..all i noe is love nid two people n it hurts alot..but it can also make u hapi..i wonder y people like to dirty the pure n scarced love..
Love is pure n swit..i had fall in love b4 but i dun noe whether is tat wat people call real love..I'm trying to find out da real love..i want to find sum1 who love me deeply n treat me gd..is der sum1 like tat sumwer?!! i wonder..is der such thing as love @ 1st sight? tats so swit rite..wat is true love? is der such thing as true love? u'll nvr noe da answer..i myself dun noe..aniwae i love to rite poetry..i used to write love poets in both in malay n english..i'll write 2 poetry k..1 in english n 1 in malay k..give me sum comments after reading it aite.. HERE IT GOES..

love is full of bitter n sweetness
we r innocent to love
evryting is so swit wen u fall in love
but it hurts wen it crashed..
sum even dun want to b in love
cos the pain is unbearable..
sum love from the lips
sum love from the heart
its hard to noe who is being true
dun say I LOVE U bcos itz pleasant to b heard
but say it bcos u mean it
love need not b said
but it can b felt by both parties
in their lovely hearts..

cinta itu suci dan bersih
semua orang pasti pernah merasakannye
tapi tk smua dapat menikmati cinta yg tulus dan abadi
aku ingin bercinta dan dicintai dgn penoh kasih syg
adekah aku akan dapat cinta yg sejati dari seorg lelaki yg murni
aku perlukan kasih syg darinya tapi adekah dia mengerti perasaanku ini
aku rase tersiksa kerna merindui dirinya
mengapa kita harus berpisah sedangkn kita sungguh bahagia
tidak kah kau menyintai diriku wahai kasih
berikanlahku satu lagi peluang untukku merubah segalanya
maafkan lah diri ini jika ku telah melukai hatimu syg
diri ini slalu menunggumu dgn penuh harapan
jika diri ini tidak ade peluang ku mengerti kasih
ku berdoa smoga dikau dapat bertemu dgn cinta yg suci dan abadi
apekan daya kita tidak boleh bersama
ku tetap akan mencintai dirimu
kerna ku telah terpaut padamu..

i'll write more poetries 2moro..so wait k..hope u njoy my poetry..its nt gd though..i'll brush up on tat...

STRESS UP!!

2007-01-24T21:26:00.000+08:00

Today is a normal day @ sch..nothing much happen..itz juz tat i'm feelin a lil bit stress up cos i cant reali cope wit ma studies..itz not tat i've been skippin sch or wat..juz tat the subject is too hard i guess..lots of calculation to b done..i hate BPF..feels like accounting..i nvr learn accounting b4..haiz..guess i'll flunk the course..no cert mayb..i'm scared..nid help..den CAP project hv to do abt biz venture..boring..i didnt noe opening up a biz would b so hard..hv to prepare a proposal..haiz..wish me all sa best lah..n i can onli hope for da best..aniwae i'm not giving up cos i hv not even lose..juz a lil bit of help frm the teachers n improvin maself wil help me overcome tis hardship..wat r teachers for rite?!! i'm goin to fight all da way n get my cert but not juz a pass..a pass wit gd grades tat can permit me to higher nitec..tats my dream..

Abt my relationship, itz stil normal too..he's stil the old him..nothin change..he didnt even comment me after so long neva mit up..haiz..i think i'm not pretty lah..i'm tired of dressin up maself juz to get a lil bit of attraction frm da guys..but NONE approach n ask for my num or sumting..mayb i've lost all my charms..i guess i juz hv to wait n wait..no matter hw great i dress up..no man wil come up to me..itz nt tat i'm desperate or sumting..i'm jealous of all those gals out der who dun reali dress up much but manage to attract guys..like ma sister..i cant deny tat she's hot, sexy n hv the charms..she has a long list of guys waiting..but too bad guys she's attached to her beloved so BACK OFF!! i think my charm has reali gone..BOO-HOO-HOO!!!
i guess til here i'm tired..i've sch 2moro..bye guys..thnk u 4 spendin ur time reading..but dun juz read at least give me a tag or comment..

UR COMMENTS N TAGS R GREATLY APPRECIATED..THNK YOU..

RELATIONSHIP!!

2007-01-23T14:40:00.000+08:00

Haiz..another boring n tiring day @ sch..i've to run 4 rounds for SW..so tiring..the weather is so hot tat after the run i felt like i wana faint..my face was so pale after the run..tis is a practise for nxt wk NAFA Test..i think no matter hw much training is given, i'll stil fail..confirm..i noe myself la..i juz hope tat the weather wil b windy on tat day..so tat i wont feel like fainting..luckily today sch finish early @ 10.15..so hapi..all thnx to Mr.Yeo..hehe..he's such a wonderful teacher always think of his students welfare..hehe..

Enough abt today..i'm lookin 4ward to my 4 yrs anniversary on 22/03/07..itz been so long eva since we've been 2gether..we hv gone through thick n thin 2gether..it was hard keepin the relationship goin as there are lots of hurdles in our love..we've broke up before..but manage to get things back on track n we r together again..he's nice but he has a bad attitude..onli i noe how suffering it was to b by his side all the way..we hv the moment too whereby he treat me to SWENSENS n say swit things to me..but as we hit the road..we faced alot of challenges n problems..until i myself couldnt take it..but itz a waste to severe tis relationship as we've gone through alot n itz almost 4 yrs..i juz leave it to fate..i wonder hw long me n him gona lasts..
i dunno..

SICK!!

2007-01-19T14:50:00.000+08:00

So bored..i think i flunked my OFP..i tot i can do it well..i studied all nite n i'm so disappointed of maself..i set high goals for maself..but i ended up failing..i cried in sch juz nw..it was so stupid of me to use pencil wen doin the organisational chart..i was naive nt to change it despite the invigilator asked me to..azimah manage to change it so she was quite saved..but wat abt me?!! The marker will nt b Mr.Yeo but other teachers..my mind start to wander all sorts of negative thinkings..like will the teacher b lenient enough to give me full marks for tat section or juz fail me?!! The more i think of it the more scary i feel..i noe i do it correctly n there is no mistake at all in tat section..itz juz tat i use a pencil to do it..thinkin about it makes me sick..i even quarrelled wit my boo bcoz of tis..i hv no mood to tok cos i kept thinkin about it..i guess wats done cannot b undone..juz let it b n c how it goes..all i can do now is pray hard tat i wont b penalised for it..i reali want to pass the CA wit gd grades nt juz bcoz i want to pass..tis is a lesson to b learned..dun eva use pencil in exams script..hehe..YA ALLAH..kau bantu lah hambamu ini..AMIN YA RABBAL AL-AMIN..

MY LIFE

2007-01-18T20:22:00.000+08:00

My life is so full of ups and downs but i'm stil goin through it no matter how hard it is..life is full of challenges tat sumtimes i feel like giving up..but by doing tat i'm admitting defeat before i even try.. sumtimes wen i feel tat i cant do tis, i ended up doing it wit success..wen there's success in the things i do, i feel satisfied..i love to compete wit people in all sorts of aspects like studies, looks and other things..i hate myself as i cant make wise decisions..i always make the wrong decisions and ended up in the wrong path..i've made lots of mistakes in my life..i've made the ones i love cried and hurt..i reali regret it and i wish i can turn things round and make wiser decisions..i used to be a "NERD" kind of person but being like tat, i ws bullied by my peers..wat did i do til all those freaks must hurt my feelings?!! i dun even bother them..i juz do my own werk and study hard..but wen i mixed wit the wrong company, i gain respect tat i deserve..i love tat feeling but wats the point gaining respect tat way whereby i cursed and swear people..tats nt gd rite?? but wen i decided enough is enough..itz time to change..people bother me again..especially my classmates..those people reali dun noe the meaning of RESPECT!! They say wat they want as and wen they like without minding people's feelings.. STUPID FREAKS!! I think i've tolerated enough of their nonsense and i cant take tis anymore..day by day as i sit in that class..it annoys me..sumtimes i feel like giving them a slap to make them wake up..cant u guys mind YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS?!! It's our business to be a nerd, dun like mixin wit people or wateva juz stop CRITICISING us!! We did nothing to offend all u people..we r juz nt socialise type of people..so FUCK OFF!! Before i lose my temper.. if u think u r so perfect, knowlegeable n beautiful..u r sooo..damn wrong people..cos u r not..so look urself hard in the mirror before commenting people..IDIOTS!!

THOUGHTS!!

2007-01-17T20:19:00.000+08:00

i'm hurt deeply..no one understands my feelings..i'm stressed in life itz juz tat i dun show it to people.. i always look jovial..full of colors..crazy..
Been hurt alot wit guys who dun appreciate my love..always take for granted.. tis is the fact of life.. i dun understand y people always get attracted to the physical beauty but not the inner beauty..i wonder y..well humans are always like tat.. aniwae i dun care about all tat..i want to be a better person wit gd career ahead of me..i'm trying hard to do extremely well for my studies..hope i can succeed in my life..i'm sick of people who are hypocrites..think onli about themselves..dun care wat they say may hurt others..y dun they think about all tis!! i hate them!! i dun bother u but y muz u bother me??!! come onli wen in need of help..FUCKERS!! watever it is i want to progress to higher nitec and mayb take up biz admin course..hopefully manage to go polytechnic..i guess tats all i'm feeling now..write again soon...hope u understand my pain now..